


Let Me Forget

by numbika



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 18:11:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbika/pseuds/numbika
Summary: "Clear my head, delete all of them." Jacob repeated while looking at the Moon. "It can't be helped, you know it, I know it. The ministry won't let a non-magical person to remember all of this." He waved towards the paintings."In this situation, I think the ministry would look this over. I'm sure Dumbledore will agree, and-""I don't want to remember, Newt." Jacob lowered his shoulders and stood there like a defeated general, waiting for the judgement the enemy will inflict upon him. "I just-, I just want to forget."





	Let Me Forget

As the Sun was setting and the Moon took its place, the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry slowly became silent as well. Most of the students, though not yet sleeping, but all returned to the area assigned to their house. The teachers did the same and retreated to their rooms to rest The lights in the castle winked out one by one and the Moon climbed higher in the sky. In the distance a lightning flashed through the black clouds slowly closing on the wizarding school.

In Albus Dumbledore's room all the lights were still on. The wizard stood in front of his desk with arms folded in front of his chest. He ran his gaze through his tired guests, all submerged in their own thoughts.

Ms.Goldstein sat on a chair, her hands in her lap but his finger tightly wrapped around her wand, as if it were the only thing that still tied her to reality. Not far from her, Nagini leaned against the wall next to the window. Both of them were staring with empty eyes, their bodies trembling but a little from time to time.

Knowing what happened was more than enough for Dumbledore to figure out what kind of storm was raging inside everyone. There were a very few things that hurt more than betrayal.  
  
It was enough for Dumbledore to get to know what happened, but he was already wondering what kind of thoughts raged in all of them. It was hard to find any pain which could be worse than the wounds caused by betrayal.

Theseus and Newt sit side by side, the older brother was clutching his empty tea cup in his hand for an hour, he was leaning forward resting his elbows on his legs. He tried to keep it in, but occasionally a sigh fought itself out from under his control and escaped.  and no matter how he tried to restrain himself Albus could hear as he sighed deeply. Newt, the young man, his student, who had had such an opportunity at that time, now calmed his hands in his pockets. He avoided other people's eyes even more than usually, and occasionally glanced toward the suitcase leaning against his leg.

Mourning and betrayal hurt all of them, Albus knew well that they will carry those scars in their rest of their life. At last he looked at the muggle who was sunken into the chair. He kept his eyes on his hands, mumbling silently.

Magical or non-magical. It didn't matter anymore, they had common enemies now.

"I-, I have to go now." Theseus suddenly stood up, his voice was empty of feelings. He put the cup down when he noticed how shaky his hands were.

"Theseus." Newt glanced up at his brother for a moment. "I do not think that-"

"Mr.Scamander." Albus stepped closer to them. None of the young men heard him speak in such a soft voice before. "Theseus, if you feel that it will help, so be it, but please don't stay alone."

"I understand, thank you, sir." The older Scamader nodded and go out from the room.

"Theseus." Newt made a weak attempt to stop him, but Dumbledore shook his head.

The door closed quietly behind him, and silence choked the room once again.

Newt looked around and checked his companions while he searched around for Pickett in his pocket and started to reassuringly caress the creature to calm it, and himself. Fatigue slowly spread through his body and he guessed his friends felt the same, but he didn't want to close his eyes. Not yet, he didn't want to see it what happened again if he closed his eyes, he didn't want to see all of them losing something very important again.

Dumbledore's voice pulled him back into the present. "Mr. Scamander why don’t you accompany our guest to his room? Not many muggles can say that they were allowed to walk amongst the walls of this castle."

Albus took the time to look into every pair of eyes. "I can't possibly comprehend the things you've experienced, but please stay here, at least for tonight. Hogwarts is one of the safest places in the world, and I think you all need a quiet evening."

"I don't think-, I should go home," Tina's words got stuck when she remembered her empty home, and all the things that reminded her of Queenie if she would go home.

"Please stay. We have room for everyone."

Tina nodded lowering her head, her shoulders trembled a little and a teardrop fell on his hand, she wiped it off immediately.

"All of us can…stay?" Nagini swallowed a tiny bit. She had a sudden feeling that the walls crept closer, and he could see bars appearing outside the window. The freedom she fought for, without Credence beside him, became an empty cold sensation. She was unable to imagine her life without him now.

"All of you. There are more than enough room in the west-wing. If you want to eat something..." he paused as they shook their heads. "Mr.Scamander," he turned back to his erstwhile student, who stood in front of him, just like he did it so many years ago.

"This way, Jacob..." Newt was already standing beside the muggle, he looked down towards his shoulders. His left hand, as always, was on the handle of his suitcase. On Dumbledore's face a sad little smile spread.

Jacob looked at older wizard for a few moments, then slowly pushed himself up from the chair. He wanted something to say, but Dumbledore just nodded toward him and the muggle decided that even if they weren't completely safe in here, at the very least they could rest for a while. He felt completely powerless, and as if he was perceiving the world through a foggy glass. Eventually he managed to force his legs into going after Newt.

While they walked, he was sure that in any other day he would be feel overwhelmed by the massive paintings on the walls, all of which had an independent life. But now when he thought about the moving figures, the memory when Queenie first showed her a magic newspaper and told her about the animated pictures, came up in his mind.

Jacob had never forgotten her, even after the spell, and in his dreams the witch often visited him, radiating warmth. When they found each other again, he felt like a very important but missing piece in his soul was returned to him. He felt that Queenie made him feel alive again, and before that he was unconsciously waiting to be together with her again.

Queenie was everywhere in his head, but the happy moments they experienced so far were overshadowed by what happened in the last day. He saw a glint in her eyes that was completely unknown to him, and for the first time he questioned the love, he was certain it was unquestionable. Queenie was always on his mind, and Jacob could hardly bear the fact that he was barely able to think about anything else. The woman's gaze was haunting him even when he was awake, her tearful eyes pleading with him to go with her, to stand on Grindelwalds side. The woman who had meant the home for him had become a stranger in a moment and he felt that his heart will broke.

They walked the corridors together, in silence. On their left, the walls were full of paintings preparing to rest for the night, while on their left the Moonlight screened through the huge windows and sometimes painted their slowly moving shadows on the wall.

Newt knew something was wrong, Jacob was completely wrapped up in his thoughts, his always optimistic self was nowhere to be found, and this made the wizard all the more nervous. It was harder to control his thoughts by the moment, to prevent them from straying down paths that led to bad places.

Sometimes he glanced at his friend but then quickly turned his gaze back at his feet, or more accurately, at the bag slowly. He held his wand in his other hand, and used it to shine a light on their way. Jacob and him were friends and yet, Newt felt helpless. An unfortunate, weak wizard who was unable to stop Queenie and who could not speak a word while watching Leta's self-sacrifice. He lost two very important people just because he was weak.

"Can you erase my memories?" The question stopped Newt on its track, the emptiness in Jacobs voice was completely unfamilar to him. "There must be a is magic that not only removes the bad memories, but can also erase a certain period of time, isn't it?"

Newt nodded slowly, watching the corner of one of the paintings. He felt his friend's eyes on him. The answer came fast but only as a whisper. "It is possible, yes, there is such a magic, but in the current situation I don't really understand why would it help."

"Then do it Newt, erase my memories."

The wand trembled in the hand of the wizard.

"Wha…what?"

"Clear my head, delete all of them." Jacob repeated while looking at the Moon. "It can't be helped, you know it, I know it. The ministry won't let a non-magical person to remember all of this." He waved towards the paintings.

"In this situation, I think the ministry would look this over. I'm sure Dumbledore will agree, and-"

"I don't want to remember, Newt." Jacob lowered his shoulders and stood there like a defeated general, waiting for the judgement the enemy will inflict upon him. "I just-, I just want to forget."

Newt remained silent, so the muggle made a deep sigh and took a few steps toward the huge window.

"I should never have been involved in this. I was a fool that I thought...", his breathing became irregular "that I thought Queenie..." He punched the stone window ledge, but his hit had no power behind it. "You know what? It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter anymore! She chooses a side, a place to belong to, because I wasn't enough."

"Jacob…" Newt walked closer, his eyes focused on the stone ledge.

"Don't worry. I just want to go home, but I can't do that. If Queenie is not with me when I get home ..." Jacob smiled sadly when he looked over his shoulder, "I promised I would come home with her. But I couldn't do it, and I can't go home with these memories. Newt, please erase my memories."

"I can't."

"Why? This something only an auror can do?"

For a moment, the idea of lying ran trough his mind. To say that he can only do it with the ministry's approval, that he can only do it after a trial. But he knew well that Jacob would see trough it right away. "No..."

"Or you can't do magic in the school?"

A faint smile appeared on the wizard's face as the forgotten memories appeared in front of his eyes.

"You would be surprised how many students do magic forbidden by the house rules when they are coming to age. Even me..."

"Newt." Jacob's voice snapped and the sharpness of the word made the wizard wince. As the words left his mouth, he had already regretted the tone, he didn't want to talk to him like that. He rubbed his face and let out an enormous sigh.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I mean this couple of days…"

For the first time, Newt glanced at his friend's eyes and his hand tightened on the handle of his suitcase, his grip was so strong that his fingers became pale. Jacob rubbed his teary eyes.

"Please just let me forget everything."

"I can't..." He focused on the end of his wand, to right at the edge where the light became strong enough to hurt his eye.

"Please..."

"I can't..."

"But why not?! I have nothing left! Queenie decided to stay in the wizard world with a mass murderer who preaches freedom but recruit his group against people like me!"

"It's not...not nothing..."

"I beg of you, Newt, I don't want to do this anymore!"

The wizard shook his head again and again without looking up.

"But why not?!"

"Because..." he squeezed his eyes shut and struggled with putting the right words together. "I don't want to lose another person important to me."

He glanced at Jacob's face, holding his wand now visibly shaking.

"I'm sorry Jacob, but I can't do it...I know..." he shook his head again, he had to fight for every breath, he needed extra air to keep his inside from shaking so much and to get rid of stifling, choking feeling in his throat. "It is hard, and it's hurting me too...Leta, she... and Queenie, but I can't let you to give up everything. I'm sorry, I know Queenie was the most important person for you, but she isn’t gone forever, we can bring her back. Open her eyes to the truth about Grindelwald. " Newt lowered his wand and watched as the circle of light intensified around their feet.

"You're not alone...and I don't want to be either. I'm sorry, but I can't afford to let you give up..."

The darkness spread around them as the clouds obscured the Moon. The wand was like a single speck of light in the endless light, glowing between them.

"I let them to erase your memories and take my friend away from me once. But now, I'm not going to let that happen, not even if you ask it. I'm sorry ..."

"Newt." Jacob rubbed his face into his arm. His sniffing was masked by the rumble of the sky in the distance. "I'm sorry."

"Why,…why do you apologize? Technically, I rejected your request because of my selfishness."

"No, that's ... I thank you."

"What?"

Jacob smiled faintly and looked up at Newt, despite the weak light, the wizard saw that his friend's eyes were red. He breathed in and felt that a nerve that was stretched to the breaking point, slowly relaxed. For a few minutes he only wanted to think of his friend and the fact that he could ease his pain, at least a little. That no matter how horrible the present seemed, maybe there is hope in the future. He knew that the mourning was waiting for him in the depths of darkness, but for the time being, it didn't dare to sneak closer.

"You are a really good friend, Newt. I promise, I will never ask of you something like this again."

"That, that is really reassuring thing to hear." The wizard put his weight on one leg, then to the other. His gaze wandered again to Jacob for a moment and he smiled slightly. "It's...it's really my brother's habit but..." He stepped closer and gave Jacob a clumsy hug.

The muggle blinked in shock, and despite his surprise, he embraced his friend. They only stayed like that for a few seconds. Jacob, during the short time they have known each other, learned a few things about Newt. He knew very well how serious this gesture was. The older man gently patted the wizard's back and let him go.

"Well this-" Newt cleared his throat.

"Yes, it was quite awkward."

"I'm so-"

"And helped me calm down a bit, thank you."

On Newt's face, the tiny smile appeared again and now it didn't go anywhere.

"I'll show you your room."

"That sounds great, I think I'm going to sleep as soon as I touch on the bed." Jacob started walking next to him. "Are the beds like, normal here? Don't you have to use magic?"

"Yes the beds are normal, at least" after some thought he added" In the students' quarters at least. In fact, I have never been to a teachers' room. But my room is next to yours. I haven't been there for years either. "

Jacob nodded and his eyes found on the wounded suitcase.

"Maybe, I don't know, do you need any help with them?"

"I…" Newt followed his eyes and nodded after a few moments of thinking. Maybe both of them need a little bit of time away from the problems of the world. "Yes, it would be good, as specially with the niffler pups."

Their conversations were overheard by the dour faced paintings kept awake by them as they passed, but none of them said anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the reading. I just watched the crimes of grindelwald, and I had to write some angst. Also...I'll write Tina and Newt as a couple when Rowling does.


End file.
